Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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