is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
