Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
