could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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