Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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