we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
