Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
