Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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