Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
