it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
