I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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