i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I wear drunk well.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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