if you like me you must not know who I am
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
