yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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