I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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