Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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