i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
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You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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