Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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