well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
