Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
