It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
