Who wears a wallet chain?!
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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