I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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