I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
