she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
