a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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