So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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