u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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