I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
