the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We left the knife in your bed.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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