i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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