Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
