dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
