If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
