Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
