I just saw a hot homeless man
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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