If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
