I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
