We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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