if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
