im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
