guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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