normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
