That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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