He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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