the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
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