Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
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Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
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i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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