Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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