Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
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not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
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" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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