A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
