Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
