I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
