you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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