There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
