if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
