I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
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He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
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The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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