I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
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