I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
This baby is an asshole
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
