So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
