I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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