do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
