you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
