She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
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How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
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I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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