Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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