I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
