I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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