i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
