what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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