just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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