I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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