i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
