So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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