You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
