Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize