A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
