she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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